Before we moved to China, I envisioned that the emotional hardship of living here would be caused by living "without"...living without my stuff, living without my favorites, living without my people.
What I have found is that the emotional hardship actually has two different causes - living "with" and being confronted regularly by others living without.
I am not comfortable living with our relative wealth (no we aren't wealthy by American standards, but we are compared to the majority of Chinese we are in contact with). I find it somewhat embarrassing to spend more than my driver earns in one month for one grocery shopping trip. I find it distasteful to debate about whether or not to pay my ayi one or two hundred less quai - because in reality it is nothing to me, but to her it is significant. For that matter, in truth, I find it a bit distasteful to even have a driver and ayi. And maybe I'm even feeling a bit of "survivor's guilt"...Why do we deserve a job with such perks as travel, when there are plenty of others we know back home who are struggling to get by?
And, then there is the daily confrontation of those who are really without. Every day I see people who live through very cold winters here in hand built shacks, with scavenged firewood to keep warm. Their toilet is an outhouse hole. My instinct is to feel bad for them. But is that right? Maybe in truth they are content with their life. How do I know? If the only life you've known is one "without" do you want for more? Is it right to feel sorry for the woman washing her clothes in the stream that others use for a toilet? Is it right to judge those who throw out the garbage polluting the environment when maybe they don't know that it is harmful?
Every day I see loads of litter, every day I see people living in harsh conditions, every day I see people who may not have the opportunity to change their lives. If they are happy, should it bother me that their living conditions are different than the culture I am used to?
Are we helping China by being here? Are we part of the solution or contributing to a long term problem?
These are the thoughts that are my hardship of living in China. I've learned that I can live without burritos. But, my do-good people side is still adjusting.
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2 comments:
Hi Debi,
I found your blog through facebook..The list of friend recommendation I get..Your name showed up on there and clicked and found your blog..very interesting..Really enjoying reading your blog..Reading the older posts..
Your home is good..In the backyard the small flower trees are all purple now...The fruit trees have white cherry blossom..Inside the home everything is working fine..
On the front yard the large flower box is full of greens..Looks like you have put some bulbs in there..Flowers are not out yet..If you like I can email few pictures..Thanks for letting us stay in your home...
As I am from India..Grew up there still when I go back I see the things that you are talking about and the situation you are delaing..That is so true with all this poverty and difficulty still the people there are so happy and contend..
Thanks
Fatema
Hi Debi,
Allen's cousin Kevin is living abroad for several years through Microsoft (Paris, then Johannesburg, now Kenya). In Johannesburg and Kenya, they are also grappling with the poverty all around them.
Kevin's wife Rachel was also training to be a social worker before they started living abroad. She has found charitable organizations to volunteer with in each of their postings, and I've been sending her money, she had a girls and boys underwear drive a while ago, and so on.
I hope that helps... I wonder if the families in your American "bubble" could volunteer or something?
Good luck. This is a thorny question, and I don't know that anyone has all the answers.
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